Why am I compelled to write?  Because the writing saves me from this complacency I fear.   Because I have no choice.  Because I must keep the spirit of my revolt and myself alive.  Because the world I create in the writing companstates for what the real world does not give me.  By writing I put order in the wold, give it a hande so I can grasp it.  I write because life does not appease my appetite and hunger.  I write to record what others erase when I speak, to rewrite the stories others have miswritten about me, about you.  To become more initmate with myself and you.  To discover myuself, to preserve myself, to make myself, to achieve self-autonomy.  To dispell the myths that I am a mad prophet or poor suffering soul.  To convince myself that I am  worthy and that what I have to say is not a pile of shit.  To show that I can and will write, never mind their assertions to the contrary.  And I will write about the unmentionables.

I really loved this — I find myself in the words — my push to write — my feelings about the WHY I write and WHY I write what I do!!! I’ve always been *outside the box* — and never thought much about it.  Others around me often did — my parents (well, step-mother and father) — sometimes people I worked with were “put off” by my open definition of self – but beyond that, everyone pretty much just knew I was who I was – and they loved me for it.  But, when it came to my writing, I always hesitated to be as bold — as open.  I found myself pullingi in the reins a bit — almost being more refined!!!  That was not me — rather than figure out why, I put my pen away!  I didn’t write for years – I missed it tremendously.  I missed being able to sit down and describe the blue that surrounded me on an early morning – or the heaviness that I felt when life was just too chaotic and full of arguing!

So here I am – ready to write – both on this screen – and with my pens, in my journal!  I’ve gathered some “fun” embellishments for my journal — I want to be able to put myself on those pages — I’m sure I’ll need more as I work my way along – but for now, I’m off and WRITING!!!!!!